When I Go

When I Go

it makes a difference
when you walk through a room
with that worrisome smile
road weary perfume

but this isn't the place
and it isn't the time
for this beautiful delusion
that is robbing me blind

i want to know
i want to know
will it make a difference
when i go

it makes a difference
that i'm feeling this way
with plenty to think about
and so little to say

except for this confession
that is poised on my lips
i'm not letting go of God
I'm just losing my grip

i want to know
i want to know
will it keep you guessing
when i go

what is a love
if the love's not my own
this is not my home
this is lonely
but never alone

i just want to hold you
in my gaze for awhile
so i can remember
every line around your smile

then i want to know
i want to know
will it make a difference
when I go

The World Can Wait

Tender Blindspot

It's cold, but at least the sun is out
Her breath hangs glowing in the air
She's standing at the car with the key in her hand
Like a sleeper coming back from somewhere

All at once, the weight has lifted
Forgotten the weeping all last night
She's wearing a frown borrowed from her father
Her head is tilted a little to the right

And it's just your tender blindspot
Not the ruination of your soul
As long as trees are skying
Tears are weeping seas to make us whole
Still you wonder why you're aching
Why you should go on, you just don't know
But it's just your tender blindspot
From that tender blindspot you must go

The days are short and grey
It's the hardest time of year
And she must have missed the roadsign that said
"From now on, nothing will be clear"

And the whole day is claling
But she is frozen to the ground
There's something in the silence
There is something waiting to be found

And it's just your tender blindspot
Not the ruination of your soul
As long as trees are skying
Tears are weeping seas to make us whole
Still you wonder why you're aching
Why you should go on, you just don't know
But it's just your tender blindspot
From that tender blindspot you must go

And the morning dove is clinging
To the powerlines above
And time is hanging fozen
In its grace and pain and love

A Heart Needs A Home

Loudon Wainwright III/Shawn Colvin doing a beautiful cover of a Richard Thompson tune.

I know the way
That I feel about you
I'm never going to run away
I'm never going to run away
Never knew the way
When I lived without you
I'm never going to run away
I'm never going to run away

I came to you when
No one could hear me
I'm sick and weary
Of being alone
Empty streets and
Hungry faces
The world's no place when
You're on your own
A heart needs a home

Some people say
That I should forget you
I'm never going to be a fool
I'm never going to be a fool
A better life, they say
If I'd never met you
I'm never going to be a fool
I'm never going to be a fool

Tongues talk fire and
Eyes cry rivers
Indian givers
Hearts of stone
Paper ships and
Painted faces
The world's no place when
You're on your own
A heart needs a home

" it's strange that some rooms are like cages" -Paul Simon

Perhaps you should enjoy the previous two posts in order to fully enjoy this. Or not. It is a beautiful song...

I'm accustomed to a smooth ride
Or maybe I'm a dog who's lost it's bite
I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more
I don't expect to sleep through the night
Some people say a lie's a lie's a lie
But I say why
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

And in remembering a road sign
I am remembering a girl when I was young
And we said these songs are true
These days are ours
These tears are free
And hey
The cross is in the ballpark
The cross is in the ballpark

We had a lot of fun
We had a lot of money
We had a little son and we thought we'd call him sonny
Sonny gets married and moves away
Sonny has a baby and bills to pay
Sonny gets sunnier
Day by day by day by day

I've been waking up at sunrise
I've been following the light across my room
I watch the night receive the room of my day
Some people say the sky is just the sky
But I say
Why deny the obvious child?
Why deny the obvious child?

Sonny sits by his window and thinks to himself
How it's strange that some rooms are like cages
Sonny's yearbook from high school
Is down from the shelf
And he idly thumbs through the pages
Some have died
Some have fled from themselves
Or struggled from here to get there
Sonny wanders beyond his interior walls
Runs his hand through his thinning brown hair

Well I'm accustomed to a smoother ride
Maybe I'm a dog that's lost his bite
I don't expect to be treated like a fool no more
I don't expect to sleep the night
Some people say a lie is just a lie
But I say the cross is in the ballpark
Why deny the obvious child?

As if I'd never noticed the way she brushed her hair from her forehead...

If you haven't experienced the previous "Hearts and Bones" post, you need to do that first before enjoying this one.
This song is the natural progression of Hearts and Bones and was from the Heats and Bones sessions. For reasons unknown, it ended up as the title cut to Grace Land.  Paul talks of a journey he took with his son as well as Carrie's decision to end their marriage.  I was always taken with the verses:

She comes back to tell me she's gone,
As if I didn't know that
As if I didn't know my own bed,
As if I'd never noticed,
The way she brushed her hair from her forehead

so freakin poignant  - so heart breaking...

The Mississippi Delta was shining
Like a National guitar,
I am following the river
Down the highway
Through the cradle of the civil war,

I'm going to Graceland
Graceland
In Memphis Tennessee
I'm going to Graceland,

Poorboys and Pilgrims with families
And we are going to Graceland,
My traveling companion is nine years old
He is the child of my first marriage,
But I've reason to believe
We both will be received
In Graceland,

She comes back to tell me she's gone,
As if I didn't know that
As if I didn't know my own bed,
As if I'd never noticed,
The way she brushed her hair from her forehead,
And she said losing love
Is like a window in your heart,
Everybody sees you're blown apart,
Everybody sees the wind blow,

I'm going to Graceland,
Memphis Tennessee
I'm going to Graceland,
Poorboys and Pilgrims with families
And we are going to Graceland,

And my traveling companions
Are ghosts and empty sockets
I'm looking at ghosts and empties,
But I've reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland,

There is a girl in New York City,
Who calls herself the human trampoline,
And sometimes when I'm falling flying
Or tumbling in turmoil I say
Whoa so this is what she means,
She means we're bouncing into Graceland,
And I see losing love
Is like a window in your heart,
Everybody sees you're blown apart,
Everybody feels the wind blow,

In Graceland Graceland,
I'm going to Graceland,
For reasons I cannot explain
There's some part of me wants to see
Graceland,
And I may be obliged to defend
Every love every ending
Or maybe there's no obligations now,
Maybe I've a reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland

(Pause)

Woah in graceland graceland graceland
i'm going to graceland

Hearts and Bones

Paul's account of his relationship with Carrie Fisher

One and one-half wandering jews 

Free to wander wherever they choose 

Are travelling together 

In the sangre de cristo 

The blood of christ mountains 

Of new mexico 

On the last leg of the journey 

They started a long time ago 

The arc of a love affair 

Rainbows in the high desert air 

Mountain passes slipping into stones 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones 

Thinking back to the season before 

Looking back through the cracks in the door 

Two people were married 

The act was outrageous 

The bride was contagious 

She burned like a bride 

These events may have had some effect 

On the man with the girl by his side 

The arc of a love affair 

His hands rolling down her hair 

Love like lightning shaking till it moans 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones 

And whoa whoa whoa 

She said why? 

Why don't we drive through the night 

And we'll wake up down in mexico 

Oh i 

I don't know nothin' about nothin' 

About mexico 

And tell me why 

Why won't you love me 

For who I am 

Where I am 

He said: 

'cause that's not the way the world is baby 

This is how I love you, baby 

This is how I love you, baby 

One and one-half wandering jews 

Returned to their natural coasts 

To resume old acquaintances 

Step out occasionally 

And speculate who had been damaged the most 

Easy time will determine if these consolations 

Will be their reward 

The arc of a love affair 

Waiting to be restored 

You take two bodies and you twirl them into one 

Their hearts and their bones 

And they won't come undone 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones 

Hearts and bones

Scared at Night

 

As a child I would wake at night

I was scared, but I kept real quiet

Shadows on the walls moving in on me

Underneath my sheets I could barely breathe

Your room was only just across the hall

All it would have taken was a single call

Maybe sometimes you've got to trust yourself

Not to scream out loud and run like hell

Believe me

All the days you're unsure

Believe in me

I don't want to anymore

In the dark

Picture me in your mind

And i'll lay with you

You don't have to be scared at night

As a young man you were shooting rats

By accident you hit the farmyard cat

He ran for the fields and

Came back the next day

You had blown out his eye

And you could see his brain

Your dad said "Boy, there are some things in life.

You don't want to do but you know is right.

So take him out back and finish him off."

You got your gun off the shelf

It only took one shot

Believe me

All the days you're unsure

Believe in me

I don't want to anymore

In the dark

Picture me in your mind

And i'll lay with you

So you don't have to be scared at night

I flew to Winnipeg on your final day

They said that you waited until I came

We sang your favourite hymns

And we held your hand

You took your final breath and that was that

But I'd never seen a person die before

I tried so hard not to cry, you know

Maybe sometimes we've got to trust ourselves

That when you die you go someplace else

Believe me

All the days you're unsure

Believe in me

I don't want to anymore

In the dark

Picture me in your mind

And i'll lay with you

So you don't have to be scared at night

You don't have to be scared at night

You don't have to be scared at night

Famous Blue Raincoat

It's four in the morning, the end of December
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.

I hear that you're building your  house deep in the desert
Are You  living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
But she never turned up  I mean Lili Marlene

And you treated some woman to a flake of your life
And when she got home she was nobody's wife.

Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane's awake --

She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you oh what can I tell you
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, be it for Jane or for me
I want you to know your enemy is sleeping,
I want you to know that your woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear

Sincerely, L. Cohen

One of Us Cannot Be Wrong

i lit a thin green candle to make you jealous of me
the room filled up with mesquitos
they heard that my body was free

and i took the dust of a long sleepless night
and i put it in your little shoe
and then i confess that i tortured the dress
that you wore for the world to look through

and i showed my heart to the doctor
he said, ‘you just have to quit’
then he wrote himself a perscription
and your name was mentioned in it

then he locked himself in a library shelf
with the details of our honeymoon
and i hear from the nurse that he’s gotten much worse
and his practice is all in a ruin

i once knew a saint who had loved you
i studied all night in his school
he taught that the duty of lovers
was to tarnish the golden rule

and just when i was sure that his teachings were pure
he drowned himself in the pool
his body is gone, but out here on the lawn
his spirit continues to drool

an eskimo showed me a movie
he’d recently taken of you
the poor man could hardly stop shivering
his lips and his fingers were blue

i suppose that he froze when the wind took your clothes
and i guess he just never got warm
but you stand there so nice, in your blizzard of ice
please let me come into the storm

(leonard cohen)